Turkey

Apparently the number one rule is to never dive with a turkey. In some exploration of the internet, I found something very interesting.


Figure 1: Scubacus Turkimust

1. Scubacus Turkimust- sku-ba-cus. turr~ke-must - derived from the irish word scubes which means to swim in alcohol, and turkie, the turkish word meaning to eat mass quantities of turkey, the scubacus turkimust comes around but once a year to drink others alcohol and eat mass amounts of turkey. The distinct features of a scubacus turkimust are it's oddly upside down pear shaped head, flailing arm expressions combined with it's overrbearing screeching of political propoganda. Scubacus Turkimust has a huge knowledge of useless information which can be very handy in games of trivial pursuit. This animal thrives on debate, and will continue in conversations of communism and two tier health systems for hours. Many love the scubacus turkimust as it provides with hours of entertainment especially when given it's fair share of alcohol. Caution should be taken when dealing with a scubacus turkimust as if given too much alcohol, can turn your home into a communist refuge, and if frightened may try to burn itself in large fires. The best way to restrain a frightened scubacus turkimust is to first confuse it by punting it's doritos and then pinning it to the ground and giving it a pink belly.

But my discoveries didn't really end there, I also found this!


Figure 2: Kirkma Santabeast

2. Kirkma Santabeast - Keerk-ma. Sand-ta-beest - derived from the polish word kiki which means manchine (an impossibly awesome beast) and the french word Santicus meaning jolly old bearded one, the Kirkma Santabeast eats anything that falls within beard range. This gnarly motherfucker loves the cold and sleeps for long periods at a time. It only weakness is Creemore, drinking kegs of it in a single sitting. The Kirkma Santabeast has been known to calm when Mars Volta is played, and has a strong affinity for mike patton. Having a diet consisting mainly of hot dogs, it is unwise to upset the Kirkma Santabeast, as it has been known to throwdown and cause immediate bruising. The Kirkma Santabeast has also been known to ultimate fight it's opponents and was canada's response to the platypus.

In some instances these animals have been known to join forces, please stay clear of this abnormally awesome duo.

Please also check out the review of the new Jet cd located here
I think that about sums it up.

Until next time:
go suck a bag of dicks

Kyle