People got problems, people got problems with people.

SO!, tis friday again, and anyone reading this probably knows that it's self destruct time. But i could submit my post with other peoples content. Stoner talk, stoner talk, soy milk eats regular milks' ass. I like soy milk cause it doesn't hurt animals, it's only a carcinogen. But anyways.


Tonight I am celebrating failure. But that's ok, cause I found this!


Does anyone else remember Mr. Toad from the wind in the willows?. I have to say, his crazy british coke head antics entertained me. Tonight Kirk was molesting my gamecube, and I think it liked it...... I had a legitimately funny post, but then I started drinking rye, so it kind of screwed it over.

I really want to see saw 3. No matter what this blog will always be more awesome than scubes.... unfortunately I dont' have pictures of me destroying things on WOW.... I can't afford it. Like I can't afford the sex.

It's no fun till someone dies....

Kyle

TOGA PARTY!

Well, not really, but I'm really awaiting a toga party. I think the best part of the toga party would be the combination of drinking and everyone partially covered by sheets. So basically, I'm still awaiting the toga party Jayden & Rog are supposed to be having at their house, and in spite, am hosting my own toga party here tonight. The only problem with this is, is that it is a lone toga party. As unfortunately there is not alot happening tonight, except for pizza, beer and some nacho libre, I must conquer olympus by myself in my toga. In fact, thinking of toga parties, it could be very dangerous in the event of projectile vomiting or explosive diarrhea. In the odd scenario this would take place, what do you change into. I mean, you came to the party in a toga, everyone is expecting you to be in one, and you can't really hide either on white sheets. I guess this will have to be left until the real event of the toga shart. Which I think I just invented.


In other news, I started off the night with a 8.6% beer. It was quite tastey, and now that I have moved onto the rye, things are becoming incredibly clearer. Being Friday the 13th, I decided to celebrate my incredible dissatisfaction with the world. For instance, some guy at the beerstore complains to me the other day about the lineup being slow, and remarks "This place should be shut down". As this individual is obviously an imbosile, I respond with, "Well then you wouldn't have any fuckin beer now would ya?". As most angry men waiting for beer, I think this guy did not like me from this point on. It's funny how people can think your on their side and laugh, and then you throw dirt in their eyes and tell them to fuck off. Seriously, fuckin whiners.

On the subject of whiners, people are way too high strung these days. One simple imperfection in an order causes them to lose it. I mean, people slave all day in all sorts of establishment, and to politely correct someone is different than an all out outburst. For instance, if I go into a coffee shop and I order something, and I get the wrong order, if I was severly dissatisfied, I would ask politely, and expect a polite response. However, in days of the new, people flip out without future consequences. If you flip out on someone, how do you expect them to respond. I mean, maybe the poor girl at the counter hasn't had the best day, maybe she spilled coffee on herself, broke up with her boyfriend who knows. Now all of a sudden you come along and ruin the fuckin day by bitchin about how your cafe latte has too much fuckin foam on it. I mean, is it really such a big deal? Fuckin compromise for once, wipe it off, fuckin drink it, so you don't like it, it was a couple bucks. Seriously, if the temporary misfortune of yourself can keep someone's day from being a complete tragedy, why not compromise. So next time you get something wrong with something you receive, respond politely, and the person serving you will respond politely. Who knows, you might even get a blowjob out of it.


Klye.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURS!!!

For those who don't know, it's Laura's birthday today. By the time I actually get this posted it will probably be friday, so this is kind of belated. I posted this awesome picture of you at my house, as you can see the red book is you, I'm the orange book, the overly enthusiastic yellow book is my mom, and the stoned blue book is my dad. There's also a demented mouse that represents misty, and then there's your dog. I know your dog doesn't live at my house, but it works with the picture. So I have to hurry and post this before the end of the night. I will end this short and suite and say have a good 21st birthday, now your legal in multiple countries. As well, go out there and get wasted tomorrow night for me, but not too wasted as per below:

HAPPY BDAY LAURS ;)

KYLE

Why?

BECAUSE I CAN!

I feel these pictures speak louder than words... chalking a pool cue and christina agadgasdglkjglera go together like pancakes and syrup.

Cheers,

Kyle

Even More Fucked Up Species

Well, when I started this I didn't know it would catch on, but there have been some requests for more, so here they are:

Figure1: Manwhorus (Jaydonus) Jerkofasauras aka (Pipus Angry-Masturbinious)

3.Manwhorus Jerkofasauras aka (Pipus Angry-Masturbinious) - man-hoar-us. jirk-oph-o-soar-us - Derived from the german word whoren meaning, to whore oneself out to the masses, and jerkoffen another german word, meaning to stroke without partner or lubrication. This wild and untimely beast walks the earth in search of young girls. If unable to satisfy his cravings, it's strong physique is focused on the task of angry masturbation, sometimes until exhaustion. Manwhorus Jerkofasaurus can be found mostly in large groups of other Manwhorus Jerkoffasauri partaking in a mutually gratifying circle jerk. This often takes part during the listening of Tiny Dancer by Elton John, a much loved song among it's many classic rock favourites. It's beautiful purple shaved legs are made for their thrusting power and to attract the opposite, and sometimes same sex partners. After attacking it's prey, the Manwhorus Jerkofasaurus demands an apology and usually moves to it's past time of drinking large quantities of beer, liqour and engaging in games which will enhance drinking with minimal brain exertion, such as Oracle. This animal loves looking at itself and often runs into shiny things after attempting to make out with itself. Although smaller, Manwhorus Jerkofasaurus is extremely strong and "pipe"-like giving it it's second name Pipus Angry-Masturbinious. In a one on one ultimate fight, Pipus Angry-Masturbinious may be able to defeat a Kirkma Santabeast, however there has been no recorded case. In fact in the event of a conflict, the Pipus Angry-Masturbinious will often seek protection in the Kirkma Santabeasts luscious beard.


Figure 2: ChildBearingDrinkamus aka KangarooPouchedBabyCaravan (pronounced Kyle)


4. ChildBearingDrinkamus aka KangarooPouchedBabyCaravan (pronounced Kyle)- This creature suffers immensely during his hibernation season starting in September. His Manwomb increases it's breath during periods of high concentration homework. Growing inside of him is an alcohol fueled anger aura. This aura is not birthed like a child, instead
it releases endorphins into the body resulting in periods of convuluted jibberish as well as
periods of intense relaxation and selflessness. Calming periods result in the unmitigated
blasting of classic rock music and profanity. With relations to the Yankee product line
at an all time high, the ChildBearingDrinkamus is able to maintain a fairly constant state of self being, as well as a constant stream of abstract ideas. With high moral standards comes a feeling of police-like authoritaw, thus leading to the child shaking dilemma experienced in the picture provided above. Children fear the child bearing manchild because unlike them, he has a womb like sphere inside his rage driven stomach. Children do not respond well to lyrics quotes pertaining to layin' pipe or Ridin' Dirty. So next time you come home, don't strangle your kids.

The second one was created by Kirk, which explains it's unconventional flow and style.

That's it for now, I'm sure there'll be more, but inbetween other actually good posts so they don't get really boring...


Kyle

Turkey

Apparently the number one rule is to never dive with a turkey. In some exploration of the internet, I found something very interesting.


Figure 1: Scubacus Turkimust

1. Scubacus Turkimust- sku-ba-cus. turr~ke-must - derived from the irish word scubes which means to swim in alcohol, and turkie, the turkish word meaning to eat mass quantities of turkey, the scubacus turkimust comes around but once a year to drink others alcohol and eat mass amounts of turkey. The distinct features of a scubacus turkimust are it's oddly upside down pear shaped head, flailing arm expressions combined with it's overrbearing screeching of political propoganda. Scubacus Turkimust has a huge knowledge of useless information which can be very handy in games of trivial pursuit. This animal thrives on debate, and will continue in conversations of communism and two tier health systems for hours. Many love the scubacus turkimust as it provides with hours of entertainment especially when given it's fair share of alcohol. Caution should be taken when dealing with a scubacus turkimust as if given too much alcohol, can turn your home into a communist refuge, and if frightened may try to burn itself in large fires. The best way to restrain a frightened scubacus turkimust is to first confuse it by punting it's doritos and then pinning it to the ground and giving it a pink belly.

But my discoveries didn't really end there, I also found this!


Figure 2: Kirkma Santabeast

2. Kirkma Santabeast - Keerk-ma. Sand-ta-beest - derived from the polish word kiki which means manchine (an impossibly awesome beast) and the french word Santicus meaning jolly old bearded one, the Kirkma Santabeast eats anything that falls within beard range. This gnarly motherfucker loves the cold and sleeps for long periods at a time. It only weakness is Creemore, drinking kegs of it in a single sitting. The Kirkma Santabeast has been known to calm when Mars Volta is played, and has a strong affinity for mike patton. Having a diet consisting mainly of hot dogs, it is unwise to upset the Kirkma Santabeast, as it has been known to throwdown and cause immediate bruising. The Kirkma Santabeast has also been known to ultimate fight it's opponents and was canada's response to the platypus.

In some instances these animals have been known to join forces, please stay clear of this abnormally awesome duo.

Please also check out the review of the new Jet cd located here
I think that about sums it up.

Until next time:
go suck a bag of dicks

Kyle